Expect Something Different

Vietnam, like each Asian country we've visited on our trip, has continually surprised us with its rich cultural history. Its food and music vary distinctly from that of Thailand, and its arts and crafts glow with unique radiance. Celebrating the singular qualities of Vietnam is something we hope to do with our new slogan for the Vietnamese Tourism Department: "Expect Something Different."

However, the real genius behind our phrase becomes obvious during your first business transaction, when you realize that all is not as it seems. Despite nailing down the terms of service or the quality of the goods, the one certainty in these parts is that what you get isn't quite what you paid for.

Let me give you an example. The Lotus Guest House in Hanoi showed us a room for $10 per night. Although simple, it featured a shower, air conditioning, a satelite television, a phone, and hot water. On our first night, we realized that the television tuned into the "Church Channel," a.k.a. "JCTV," and about eighty channels of static. The next morning, we found that water would come out of the shower's bath faucet, but not the showerhead. Also, the phone had no dialtone. We never found the A/C remote, and were thus unable to ever turn it on for its "heater" feature, and the day before we left, the hot water was turned off and the water pressure eventually failed to get any water to the room at all.

Well, we're simple folk, and we didn't have the will to tackle all these problems. At least we moved on.

Surprise, surprise. In Hoi An, our lovely room also featured A/C. We had the good sense to test it upon arrival, and it worked fine. When we returned to the room that afternoon, we found it impossible to turn on, and when we brought this to the notice of the front desk, the receptionist came to our room. To turn on the A/C, he pushed the same power button we had tried unsuccessfully. At this point, we knew that there was an additional power switch downstairs, and instead of admitting that he'd turned off the power in our absence, he had to come upstairs to turn it on, as if it had always worked and we were stupid enough to not know how to work it. When this power cut happened again, Marita told him outright to turn on power to our A/C, not at our room, but at the breaker -- he acted confused and innocent, but eventually turned it on with a sheepish grin. No problems after that.

If you're booking transport, you can also expect something different. For $10 each, we booked a boat tour around the islands of Halong Bay, with stops at three different islands with our English speaking crew. After lunch, we realized that we were headed home after only a single stop, and when we brought this to the attention of our crew, we discovered that they spoke no English whatsoever.

Our "sightseeing" bus from Hue to Hoi An was no different in this regard. We'd booked a bus that, while taking an hour longer than the direct bus, stopped at four or so picture-snapping landmarks along a gorgeous stretch of road, as well as stopping for lunch. First, we stopped for lunch only half and hour into the ride, at 10:20 AM, then we spent so long there -- with most of the bus dumping dough into the lone restaurant -- that we had no time for subsequent stops.

By the second half of our journey through the country, we'd already adopted our new slogan, so we did our best to work out the details of our cooking class with the instructor. "Everyone has their own stove? Everyone cooks their own dishes?" Yes and yes, then no follow through: four of us took turns cooking on a single burner. In the end, we still had a great time, since $5 each for a great meal, cooking pointers, and couple recipes was still a bargain. It wasn't what we expected, but hey -- neither is Vietnam.